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【媒库文选】为寻找爱情我们在交友APP上撒谎

2018-09-17 13:02:02 来源:2018年全年资料|2018年六合彩开奖查询|2018年最准资料网站_权威发布_2018年马会免费资料-4887铁算盘四肖中特料-正版铁算盘资料-马报四不像必中一肖 责任编辑:李赛

2018年全年资料|2018年六合彩开奖查询|2018年最准资料网站_权威发布_2018年马会免费资料-4887铁算盘四肖中特料-正版铁算盘资料-马报四不像必中一肖 www.szehei.com 核心提示:近1/4的年轻人正在通过交友网站或应用程序(APP)寻找爱情。这种相对较新的求爱方式可以让你接触到大量潜在伴侣。它也带来了一系列独特的挑战。

The Lies We Tell on Dating Apps to Find Love

为寻找爱情我们在交友APP上撒谎

David Markowitz 戴维·马科维茨

Nearly one-fourth of young adults are looking for love through dating websites or apps.

This relatively new form of courtship can give you access to a large pool of potential partners. It also presents a unique set of challenges.

For example, you've probably heard about – or have personally experienced – a date that was planned online but didn't go well for one of the following reasons:He was shorter than his profile said he was, she looked different in person than she did in her photos, or he was talkative over text but it was like pulling teeth at dinner.

In other words, a person's profile – and the messages sent before a date – might not capture who a person really is.

In a recent paper, my colleague Jeff Hancock and I wondered: How often do people who use dating apps lie?What sort of things are they prone to lie about?

To understand how often people lied to their partners and what they falsified, we evaluated hundreds of text messages exchanged after daters swiped right, but before they met – a period we call “the discovery phase.” We recruited an online sample of over 200 participants who provided us with their messages from a recent dating conversation and identified the lies, with some participants explaining why these messages were deceptive and not jokes.

We found that lies could be categorized into two main types. The first kind were lies related to self-presentation. If participants wanted to present themselves as more attractive, for example, they would lie about how often they went to the gym. Or if their match appeared to be religious, they might lie about how often they read the Bible to make it seem as if they had similar interests.

The second kind of lies were related to availability management, with daters describing why they couldn't meet, or giving excuses for radio silence, like lying about their phone losing service.

These deceptions are called “butler lies” because they're a relatively polite way to avoid communication without completely closing the door on the connection. If you've ever texted, “Sorry I went AWOL, my phone died,” when you just didn't want to talk, you've told a butler lie.

Butler lies don't make you a bad person. Instead, they can help you avoid dating pitfalls, such as appearing always available or desperate.

While deceptions over self-presentation and availability accounted for most lies, we observed that only 7 percent of all messages were rated as false in our sample.

Why such a low deception rate?

A robust finding across recent deception studies suggests that the majority of people are honest and that there are only a few prolific liars in our midst.

Lying to appear like a good match or lying about your whereabouts can be completely rational behaviors. In fact, most people online expect it. There's also a benefit to lying just a little bit: It can make us stand out in the dating pool, while making us feel we've stayed true to who we are.

However, outright and pervasive lies – mentioning your love for dogs, but actually being allergic to them – can undermine trust. One too many big lies can be problematic for finding “the one.” There was another interesting result that speaks to the nature of deception during the discovery phase. In our studies, the number of lies told by a participant was positively associated with the number of lies they believed their partner told.

So if you're honest and tell few lies, you think that others are being honest as well. If you're looking for love but are lying to get it, there's a good chance that you'll perceive others are lying to you, too.

Therefore, telling little lies for love is normal, and we do it because it serves a purpose – not just because we can.

近1/4的年轻人正在通过交友网站或应用程序(APP)寻找爱情。

下一页:【媒库文选】学习,工作,退休?如何为百岁人生做准备

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